If I could do one thing for the betterment of humanity, if I could do one thing that would ease people's journey on this blue ball, if I could bring joy to the lives of millions I have decided that I would abolish single ply toilet paper. Single ply toilet paper is an abomination. It chafes, it breaks, it causes undo stress in the lives of many. I reached this decision while attending the small group conference at WestSide Christian Church this Saturday. I used their restroom facilities many times that day. I became very agitated with the fact that all they had was single ply toilet paper. So, my duty for the betterment of mankind would be to abolish this scourge of the bootay from existence. Now, some may say, "Super, why don't you do something that will bring real help to people, like feed the hungry or strive for peace". Those are high and noble goals, but alas not my focus at the moment. Some may say, "Super, don't you care about the environment, won't only double ply toilet paper cause us to cut down more trees". My answer to that is no. Our tp production levels would remain the same, because it is a known fact that whenever you have to use single ply toilet paper you use more than when you use double ply. So by only having double ply, we would use less when doing the business. This would keep our tp production levels at the same output we are currently seeing. There would be more double ply being made but the lack of single ply production would compensate. I have found that double ply toilet paper does wonders for people. They are happier. They are friendlier. They have less pain in the nether regions. Too often in our world, its the smallest of things that can put people on the road of a bad attitude. Many times, the first rock in that avalanche is single ply toilet paper. Were we to take away that first rock, would there be an avalanche at all? I submit that there would not. So, my deed for the betterment of humanity is to abolish single ply toilet paper. Who will join me in this most noble and honorable of causes?
Double Ply users of the world unite!
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5 comments:
Preach! The chafage must stop. In support of this venture... I'm going to poop right now.
I promote 2 ply with aloe!!!!
you must be really full of shit to use the bathroom that much in one day.
I abhor single ply with a burning passion!!! Sometimes I wonder if there is a sort of hidden camera only set up for the distateful amusement of the sick minds who load tp dispensers with string. And women are expected to be content using it EVERY time we use the bathroom. Not only when we are full of...well, what Mikey said.
Bart Simpson says down with homework, I say DOWN WITH SINGLE PLY!!
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