A Rebel in Disguise

I grew up as a good kid.  You could ask my parents, my teachers, my coaches, and I am sure they would say that I was a good kid.  I was not a rebel.  I went to school.  I did my homework.  I participated in practice regardless of playing time.  I went to work.  I came home before curfew.  I was termed by some a "goody two shoes."  I was a good kid.  I was not in rebellion, at least not in the way we think of rebellion.  We think of rebellion as open outright defiant rebellion.  I have had childhood friends who went through outright rebellion.  They were raised a certain way.  They were in Sunday School alongside me.  They went to church Youth Group in middle school.  Then in high school, they rebelled against what they had been taught or what their parents had tried to instill in them.  That is what we usually think of as rebellion.  In that sense, I have never rebelled.  But, I have been in rebellion.  Open rebellion is easy to see.  Yet, my rebellion was not easy to see.  I was a rebel in disguise.  I looked right on the outside but on the inside I rebelled.  I found ways to passively rebel.  In my private life, I would consume myself with my wants and desires.  I made my heart all about me.  From the outside, I looked good but on the inside I was rotting.  Covert rebellion is dangerous.  It can go on for years without any notice, with no one knowing.  The longer covert rebellion goes on the worse our heart condition becomes until eventually covert rebellion becomes outright rebellion.   It allows us to become cold, calloused, and hardened.  My rebellion pushed me away from God and away from those I love.  I was selfish and arrogant.  My relationshps suffered.  My heart suffered until I let others see a glimpse of my interior world.  They confronted the calloused state of my heart.  Through their courage and God's abundant grace, I repented of my rebellion.  That change allowed me to renew my relationships and find peace again.  Rebellion leads to misery, repentance returns us to grace.