The Point of No Return

Lately, I have been wrestling with the issue of God's goodness. I know God is real. I know God loves me, but I have been struggling with his goodness. I believe he is good. I have experienced and continue to experience his goodness, but I am trying to reconcile his goodness with some stories in scripture. I have been reflecting on the life of the prophet Jeremiah. From an outsiders perspective, Jeremiah's life seems to be pretty crappy. At one point, he even calls God out saying that God has deceived him and he is deceived. Jeremiah was used by God to speak to the people of Judah about the coming invasion of the Babylonians. He was thrown into a cistern. He was put in prison. He had an assaination attempt carried out against him. The people refused to believe his message. He is known as the "weeping prophet". God used this prophet to speak to his people, but his life does not appear to be blessed. In all actuality, it appears to be the opposite. I admit that I don't know the direction God has for my life. I don't know if I am simply in a time of weakness, but I keep coming back to this idea that God wants me to be obedient and follow him no matter what. I have no guarrantee from God that he will bless me in the ways that I want so desperately. I have no promise from him that he will do what I desire. I have been commanded to follow him regardless. Its a bitter pill to swallow to think that God in his goodness may not give me the desires of my heart. I have reached the point of no return. If God is good, may his goodness be showered upon me. However, if he chooses not to, so be it. I am all in. I am trying to surrender what I want the most to him. Lord, let my words be your words, "Father, not my will but your will be done". But if you will let my desires be fulfilled. Past the point of no return, "Father, you are all I have to cling to!"